Bedbugs Sketch: Nonsense Poem

This sketch done for a fan who won a prize package for "liking" the Bedbugs Facebook page, less a sketch and more a performance, a recitation of something like a nonsense poem taught to me by my grammar school pal, Rick Berning (who remains a friend to this day, and lives about five minutes away here in MN, though we grew up in Chicago). I've been reciting this poem to friends and kids ever since, as best I could remember it. After a small bit of research online, I was able to fill in gaps, and made a couple changes of my own for fun.

During research, I came across several versions, varying slightly or wildly, like so:

'Ladies and Gentlemen, Hobos and Tramps, Cross-eyed mosquitoes and bowlegged ants. I come before you, to stand before you, to tell you a story I know nothing about. One bright morning in the middle of the night two dead fellows stood up to fight. They stood back to back, facing each other, drew their swords and shot each other. If you don't believe my lie, it's true, ask the blind lady on the corner, she saw it too.'

There are many variants, which include references to a dummy referee, a paralyzed donkey, a mute psychotic, ladies and jellyspoons (or jellybeans), bald-headed babies and a guy with a pancake stuck to his bum - LOL! All these I found at the best and comprehensive collection at this folklore site. Check 'em out! Have you ever heard the version close to the one I recall, or any of the others?